TUF Episode #7 – Edgar V Penn

Welcome back to The Fight Voice chatter about this week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter. We hope you can sit back, relax and take it all in…

Jerry: Well Matt, I’m not sure we were trending on Twitter, but I’d say last week’s recap of TUF was a success, wouldn’t you? I’ve got a Jamo (Jameson on the rocks, one ice cube and a splash of tap water) in hand and I’m posted in front of my TV with the Roomie, poised and ready to toss in some one-liners as well. So far I can’t get a read on this season, can you? I mean, usually when we’re this far into a season of TUF you can come up with a general theme/storyline. Team A sucks, Team B is a bunch of jerks, Team C is Australian and loses everything to Team Canada, etc., etc., etc. But with this season, I don’t know how to describe it. There’s no drama between the coaches. There’s a little drama between the teams, but nothing that rises to the level of Starks vs. Lannisters. What’s your take, oh sage one?

Matt: I am fairly certain that we were in fact trending on Twitter last week, but not among the UFC fans unfortunately. I did some research and found out that somehow, someway, we are huge in the Game of Thrones circles on Twitter. And, quite honestly, that is fine by me. Wake up UFC fans and start reading TheFightVoice already. And as far as BookFace goes, if one more person invites me to play ‘Candy Crush’ or ‘Farmville’ I am going to go King Joffrey on them…too soon? Back to TUF Episode 7. You are correct, I am at a loss with this season. I feel like we need a new twist or something. This show should closely resemble Hunger Games and quite frankly, it does not. No Bueno.

Jerry: Tonight’s fight pits Team Penn’s Mike King from Naples, FL vs. Team Edgar’s Eddie Gordon from Freeport, NY. Looking at the pic of King, he looks like a member of Sons of Anarchy. Didn’t Jax have to bust him out of the San Joaquin County Correctional Facility last season?

Matt: Mike King is one of my favorites. Not only does he resemble a biker, but he also carries himself like a domesticated, over-the-hill 80’s rock star who is working on a reality show with his stripper wife and their two Yorkie’s. Let me take you behind the curtain on what this reality show could be.

“Coming this summer to Oxygen Network, former drummer Mike King from Quiet Riot and his wife Cookie, who were just married move to Calabasas to start a family. Chaos ensues as Mike runs around town getting drunk at Island’s on taco Tuesdays, holding on to his last memories of life on the road. Cookie, his beautiful bride who once headlined shows at Olympic Gardens, tries to adapt to being tied down by joining a local baking club and volunteering at the pet shelter. The question is…when their rock star lifestyles bubble to the surface…what will they do? Tune in this summer for all of the excitement on “King of the Castle!”

I don’t know Jerry, I think we need to get in touch with Mike King and workshop this…

Jerry: Once again, we start the episode in the kitchen. Is TUF trying to use some symbolism or something? Maybe that’s our theme? But hold the phone, I just threw up in my mouth. That kitchen is foul.

Matt: Newsflash Jerry. Dana White is smart. This is business 101. In the world of corporate commerce there is something called a ‘Pivot Plan.’ A Pivot Plan is basically a contingency plan for when your original idea/business may be at a stand-still and you need to adapt to your consumer. It is almost like a spin-off in the TV world. Mr. White, in all of his genius, recognizes that one of the biggest areas of TV viewership is food TV. You have Top Chef, Hell’s Kitchen, Masterchef, Bobby Flay running around town hocking yogurt and other popular chefs making food TV a must-see event. Mr. White may be pivoting TUF into a cooking show somewhere down the road. Let me ask you a question. Would you tune into a show that featured Matt Van Buren smoking ribs, mixing cocktails and hosting dinner parties for homeless people under a highway overpass? I would. The name of the show you ask? “Gutter Grills.” We really need to stop giving these million-dollar ideas away.

Jerry: Regarding the dirty kitchen, Mike King just said, “If they were my kids I’d beat the shit out of them.” Can you say that on t.v.? I mean, listen Mike, I dislike an untidy kitchen as much as the next guy, but I don’t think I’d resort to child abuse if I found a few dirty dishes in the sink. Let’s all just Keep Calm and TUF On.

Matt: This is a touchy one. As a person who took the belt many of times from the old man, I don’t condone child abuse. But sometimes, maybe a quick shake or light tap to the back of the head would get people acting proper. That kitchen was a mess though. I am not the cleanest person in the world, but that was bad. This episode is all Mike King so far.

Jerry: Aaaaand Eddie Gordon provides us with the only logical response to King’s tirade about the dirty dishes, and that’s to refuse to wash any dishes at all, ever again. Smart. I guess your plan is to poison the rest of the household. No honor amongst thieves, eh? **Side bet** Loser has to wash all the dishes for the rest of the season. Simple solution.

Matt: That really is the best bet that can be made. Team bet, right? Or another solution is this. Go to Wal-Mart (send Gutter please) and buy all plastic and paper dishes and cups. Once used, throw said plate and cup into trash. Problem solved.

Jerry: In case you were wondering, Gordon played Defensive Tackle at Fordham. Oh you know who else played at Fordham? Yep. Vince Lombardi, the greatest NFL coach of all time. You’re welcome. Oh and Gordon lives in Long Island. My roommate (who is also from Long Island, btw) had this to say about Gordon upon discovering he still lives there: “He sounds like a douchebag from Long Island.” Ha!

Matt: Ok, you know this is a soft spot for me and you had to go there. Can I debate Lombardi’s greatness? No. But just know sir that the goddamn Lombardi Trophy could’ve and should’ve been the named The Brown Trophy after one of the greatest coaches of all time, Mr. Paul Brown, who coached the Cleveland Browns, which included the greatest running back of all time, Jim Brown, to multiple titles. THE BROWNS JERRY! The coach’s last name was Brown. The teams name was ‘the Browns.’ The greatest player ever had the last name Brown (Jim)! A football is the color BROWN! The humanity!!!!!
LOOK WHAT YOU DID NOW I AM MAD…let’s move on. I don’t even remember what you asked me. And this is why we need a podcast…

Jerry: Oh man, here comes the “I miss my , and I fight for .” speech. Never a good sign. Can’t recall one fighter who’s ever won after giving that eulogy.

Matt: Interesting parallel here. If you recall on last week’s episode of Game of Thrones (GOT), (SPOILER ALERT), Prince Oberyn fell in this same trap. He had the bigger, stronger fighter badly hurt. He had the upper hand and could’ve ended the fight, saving the elder Lannister, and then taking his wife to the sack for his much-deserved reward. But no. He had to go through this whole retribution speech with himself and The Mountain about his sister and her children who were murdered some years back. And then…well, we will get to that later. But yes, you are correct. While I respect the ‘I miss my family’ speech and feel for these fighters who are far away from them, it appears that it is just better to stay focused on the task at hand.

Jerry: Roommate just said Mike King looks like Riley Cooper. The record just skipped in my house.

Matt: Ok, how about those L.A. Kings!!!!!

Jerry: I really like BJ Penn, but I’m starting to question his coaching abilities. There’s nothing concrete I can put my finger on, but I just don’t have faith. Prove me wrong BJ.

Matt: I love B.J. I can’t disagree with you, but I think he is more a ‘spiritual’ guy who relies on crazy Mark Coleman and scary Hackleman to get his points across.

Jerry: Ok, a kayaking coaching challenge. Makayla is not impressed. And Edgar just said, “He visits his buddy down the street on a kayak.” Matt, I’ll leave it to you to tell me whether that’s appropriate or not. I’m not touching it with a 10-foot pole.

Matt: I have a few things to point out here. Let’s address your suggestion that Edgar may have been a little off-putting with his reference to B.J. using a kayak in his everyday life. I don’t think it is that big of a deal. If the roles were reversed and the challenge was a “fist pump competition” to the newest Calvin Harris track at nightclub on the Jersey Shore and B.J. said, “Come on Dana this dude fists pumps in church,” I wouldn’t be offended if I were Frankie. I am not bothered.

Secondly, I have been watching TUF since the beginning. I don’t think I have missed one season. Every season when Dana does the coaching challenge he leads the challenge off with “this is my favorite part of the season…” I have an issue with this. How is that your favorite part of the season? Frankie Edgar and B.J. Penn in a kayak is fun? Kyle Noke and Patrick Cote shooting a crossbow is entertaining? I love you Dana, but come on man…

Jerry: Ok this is the worst coaching challenge I’ve ever seen. Bring back Ronda and Miesha on the rock-climbing wall. Now THAT was good tv.

Matt: Absolutely agree. I mean, anything Rousey-Tate is going to win in my book. I think I would be more entertained with a spelling bee next time.

Jerry: YES! Josh Clark in the KFC Room. Ok, that pairing makes a little more sense. If I had my druthers it’d be Dana White in a Col. Sanders costume giving his pre-fight take, but this is a close second.

Matt: Again, back to the Pivot Plan Jerry. I am telling you, “Gutter Grills” is closer than you think.

Jerry: Round 1 – Gordon is landing strikes early. Mike still looks like a skinny Opie from SAMCRO. Mike using his leg kicks as his weapon of choice. The two exchange some flurries of punches, but neither is really connecting or doing much damage. Mike lands a nice punch to Gordon’s head and follows it up with some knees against the cage. Score one for the Original 9.

Matt: Wait, we still have to talk about the fight? I was enjoying discussing potential spinoff shows…but whatever. Here goes. Mike King’s hair is silky smooth when he throws those leg kicks. Eddie Gordon is counter-punching nicely. He gets some good extension on those punches for being such a monster. That is a special skill. I gave King the round as well.

Jerry: Round 2 – Gordon controlling this round. Been almost all stand up. OH SNAP! Eye gouge! Apparently Gordon watched last week’s episode of Game of Thrones and wanted to crush King’s face like The Mountain did to Prince Oberyn. Not sure Gordon can win The Ultimate Fighter, but he’d certainly survive in Westeros! Alright, King rubbed some dirt on it and these Warriors are back at it. However, I can’t focus on the fight. All I can focus on is that awful GOT scene, how disappointed I was, and how much I DON’T want my head smashed like a rotten cantaloupe.

Matt: My wife was legitimately angry after that scene with Prince OB. She was all about his cause. She liked the idea of revenge on the man that harmed his family and she also likes Dinklage. And then, in an instance the F%^&o&#@ Lannisters rise up again. It is unreal how solid they are. They are like an evil version of the San Antonio Spurs. Round 2 Gordon. Whatever. I am sleepy.

Jerry: Roomie contribution: “Think about the dishes Mike. Think. About. The. Dishes.” And I kid you not, that’s when Mike scored the takedown with a little more than a minute left in the 2nd round. The power of positive thinking.

Matt: More like the power of your Roomie. She may be more qualified than us. Dishes can be frustrating so just maybe Mike King mentally placed himself knee deep in saucers filled with stale milk and Gutter’s excess dip spit. He just had to get out. It was life or death.

Jerry: Round 3 – I really have no idea how to score this fight. I’m still worried about my dome. Dana White chimes in on how terrible the fight is. I guess I can’t disagree, but it seems like all Dana White does is complain. King gets Gordon in the eye. Bad pun time….wait for it…wait for it: An eye for an eye! Oh Snap!

Matt: Ok, we are done being friends after that pun.

“Knock-knock”

Who’s there?

“Eddie.”

Eddie who?

“Eddie Gordon…THE KING SLAYER!”

Ok, can we please move on? I just defriended myself with myself.

Jerry: Sorry Mike King. That eye is nasty!

Matt: Looks like someone was sitting to close to the stage…nevermind.

Jerry: Alright, Matt Van Buren, another San Diego fighter! He fights out of Chula Vista. Once again, Whales Vag makes another appearance in the UFC.

Matt: Thank god for Gutter. I didn’t know Gutter and Fields were literally 7’8” each…what the hell? Ok, enough of this. I am going to get some KFC.

Check back next week folks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s